someday... (org. posted 2/8/08)

Friday, February 8, 2008

Someday...

Maybe im just a silly girl. With silly dreams. Maybe what i want doesnt exsist. Maybe i have bought into Hollywood's version of love.

Am i crazy for wanting someone to love me just for me? Love who i am, and not what i can provide for them? Does that type of love exsist? Is it silly of me to want someone to love me so much, that they give without thinking about what they will receive in return? Maybe its the difference between loving someone physically, and loving their heart and soul.

I guess i always imagined real love to make you want to spend time with that person, holding them, laughing with them, wanting to give every ounce of your soul to them, never once thinking about what they can or will do for you. You just want to make them happy with everything you have. Then, naturally, you'd want to express yourself physically with each other. But the physical isn't supposed to be the main goal, is it?

Someday i want to feel loved for my soul, not my body (not that its a great body, trust me) or what my body provides. I wonder what that feels like to be loved that way, with no ulterior motives. Does anyone have that? Does it even exsist?

Even friendship seems to be this way, at least im my experience. The majority of friends in my life have all befriended me with expectations of what i could do for them. When i cant provide them with what they needed from me, they leave. Maybe its just human nature. Maybe everyone needs something in return. Maybe people dont just 'give' without always thinking about what they will 'receive'. Humans are selfish by nature. So maybe my desire really is just silly. Maybe i'm being unreasonable in my request.

Hollywood ruined sex... everyone expects it to be like it is in the movies.. but isn't. Whens the last time a movie showed sex the way it really is? The covers falling off, the giggling, the mess, the slipping, the falling, the ungraceful changing of positions, the "ouch, that hurt", the "oops.. sorry", not even to mention the 'first time with someone, passionate yet awkwardness of getting to learn them'... its never 'hollywood'...but if you can accept that, you can still laugh and enjoy it.

Maybe Hollywood ruined love too. Maybe i expect love to be like it is in the movies. And maybe i dont know how to accept and enjoy the fact that it's not the way the movies portray it.

I want the fairytale that Disney promised me when i was little...